I’m not sure if I’m on some sort of vendetta this week or if all the females on my social media are on the rag at once, but I’m noticing a trend I’m extremely uncomfortable with. I’d like to preface this with the statement that I know I’ve probably been guilty of doing it at some point too, but this is my effort to make it stop.
STOP calling your man out in public. Whether it be social media or family functions or the grocery store because he accidentally grabbed the wrong jelly. It’s one thing to get frustrated and call up a friend to vent. It’s quite another to publicly patronize and demean him. If he’s really as stupid and useless as you’re posting on facebook every other day, then re-evaluate your damn self and figure out why you’re still with him.
STOP recounting your entire conversation where everyone can hear. Maybe he did say some things that were kind of shitty. Of course, we’ll never know if you said some shitty things back (or even first) because this is your attempt to have your actions and feelings validated so you’d never let on that you made a mistake too. This is the worst thing I see because you ladies don’t realize the chain reaction that follows. While you’re sitting there putting your whole fight on display, your friends and family (who are way too easily biased by their feelings for you and will only tell you what you want to hear) are gradually deciding that they like him less and less. So when you get over it (as you will, because this is what making a relationship work looks like), they will not. They don’t have to. So after you’ve gotten over whatever stick was in your ass, everyone else is still looking at him thinking “So what if he bought you flowers for no reason. I still think he’s an asshole because of that thing he said.” If you want to go to dinner with your pals and collectively share your stories about the silly things he did that week that frustrated you, go for it. But make sure that you’re in a lighthearted mindset. Ask yourself if what he’s doing is bad enough that you’re really going to walk out that door. If the answer is no, there’s no reason you can’t work it out within the relationship. Lately, I’ve seen women shit talking like they’re trying to win all the mutual friends in the divorce that never comes.
STOP being so one sided. I get that you want a man who listens to you and respects. I need to inform you of something very important: you need to do the same for him. You want surprises and compliments and something new and shiny? So does he. Stop feeling so entitled all the damn time. If you really don’t feel like your man is worth all the bullshit you’re asking for, (by now you should know where I’m going) why are you with him?
Ladies, you want a good man. You want a good partner. But you can’t have that without BEING a good woman and a good partner. The more you let him know how great you think he is, the greater he will want to be. And the greater he becomes, the greater YOU will want to be.
Give to get, you guys. That’s the secret of life.